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Dec. 16th, 2023 08:07 pm
thoughts on the future.
So, yesterday was my last day of school. woohooo...!!!
i have no idea what i'll do after. like, sure. i'll go to college but after that is done then...what? work all my godamm life???? where would i even find a job??? some days, the aspect of the never ending work-life don't bother me at all because, money, right? and other days it bothers me to no end. i don't think i like that idea right now but it's not like i can do much about it, it's either work my whole life or end up homeless and anything is better than homelessness (or however is written) Sometimes i think about the life i'd like to have and i just want a job, money and my own apartment to be miserable in. more often than not i daydream about decorating it in a really nice way. bunch of books, posters, music, old technology and the like either that or it'd be a shitty apartment, i'm talking cracking paint on the walls and very empty. i also imagine i'd smoke even though i'm not a smoker.
idk, other times that seems like too much, like maybe i won't really reach the kind of stability where i'd have my own place and will most likely live on the streets. i never lose hope anyway, so i guess only time will tell if that's true or not.
oh and don't get me started on my dad, i said i'd go to college but i have no idea if my dad is actually willing to pay for it, he's kind of a cheapstake and last time we talked he told me he'd talk to this "contacts" so i could go to the USA, get a job and pay my own education??? which, idk, makes me feel fucking hopeless??? like i don't know if he knows but education is crazy expensive, i have no idea how he thinks i'll be able to do that because i know for sure that i won't be studying in the US,so it's either get a job, save money, come back and study (???wtf???)
so yeah, IDK, ig i'll figure it out along the way, whatever.
i have no idea what i'll do after. like, sure. i'll go to college but after that is done then...what? work all my godamm life???? where would i even find a job??? some days, the aspect of the never ending work-life don't bother me at all because, money, right? and other days it bothers me to no end. i don't think i like that idea right now but it's not like i can do much about it, it's either work my whole life or end up homeless and anything is better than homelessness (or however is written) Sometimes i think about the life i'd like to have and i just want a job, money and my own apartment to be miserable in. more often than not i daydream about decorating it in a really nice way. bunch of books, posters, music, old technology and the like either that or it'd be a shitty apartment, i'm talking cracking paint on the walls and very empty. i also imagine i'd smoke even though i'm not a smoker.
idk, other times that seems like too much, like maybe i won't really reach the kind of stability where i'd have my own place and will most likely live on the streets. i never lose hope anyway, so i guess only time will tell if that's true or not.
oh and don't get me started on my dad, i said i'd go to college but i have no idea if my dad is actually willing to pay for it, he's kind of a cheapstake and last time we talked he told me he'd talk to this "contacts" so i could go to the USA, get a job and pay my own education??? which, idk, makes me feel fucking hopeless??? like i don't know if he knows but education is crazy expensive, i have no idea how he thinks i'll be able to do that because i know for sure that i won't be studying in the US,so it's either get a job, save money, come back and study (???wtf???)
so yeah, IDK, ig i'll figure it out along the way, whatever.
